What is a Love Map?
• According to Gottman’s Love Map theory, developed by world-renowned psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, your Love Map is the part of your brain where you store information about your partner’s dreams, goals, joys, fears, likes, dislikes, frustrations, and worries.
• Things like your husband’s favourite TV Show or your wife’s favourite leisure activities are significant “points” on your internal map.
• Some people’s Love Maps may be more built up than others. It really depends on how much you pay attention to your partner.
• Couples with comprehensive love maps stay aware of their partner’s changing needs. They constantly seek updates on what the other person is doing, feeling, and thinking.
• Being understood in this way is a gift each partner gives the other, bringing great happiness and satisfaction. It also leaves couples better prepared to cope with stresses on their relationship.
Testing and Building Your Love Map
• Set up a light-hearted quiz for you and your partner both to take about each other. This is a great activity for your next low-key date night. Over dinner, breakfast, coffee or baking, see how well you know each other and perhaps learn something new about your partner.
• Start by drafting 20 questions across the different love map categories that you can quiz each other on. To be fair, pick 10 questions each. It can be as trivial as your favourite brand of toothpaste or as deep as your darkest nightmare.
• Don’t get upset if your partner doesn’t know the answer… use it as an opportunity to get to know each other a little better.
• Here are the primary categories and some example questions you might like to ask:
Family – Who is my favourite relative? What was one of my best childhood experiences? My worst?
Friends – Name my two best friends. Name one of my major rivals/enemies. How did I meet my best friends? Who is my greatest source of support (besides you)?
Work – What is my dream job? What is one of my major career goals? What part of my job do I hate? Which of my colleagues do I like?
Hobbies – What is one of my favourite weekend activities? How do I let off steam? What’s my favourite sport?
Dreams – What are two of my aspirations, hopes, wishes? Do I have a secret ambition? What is it? What is my fondest unrealized dream? What do I fantasize about?
Favourites – What is my favourite book, movie, TV show, colour, flower, turn on? Which side of the bed do I prefer? What’s my favourite season? Where’s my favourite holiday destination?
Feelings – What medical problems do I worry about? What is one of my favourite ways to be soothed? What am I most sad about? What are some of the important events coming up in my life? How do I feel about them?
Using the Information
• As you gather and store all these small details about your partner onto your love map, you can use the information to surprise and delight your sweetie in small ways.
• You can buy your partner a bunch of their favourite flowers, pick up a copy of their favourite magazine or take them to their favourite restaurant for dinner… If your partner has always dreamed of writing a novel, or learning French, enrol them in a short course to help them realize their dreams.
• You’ll feel closer to your partner and your unexpected gifts will be a wonderful way to show you appreciate them, love them and that you’re thinking of them.
For more on Love Maps and other great date ideas, visit http://www.thirtydollardatenight.com
