Does an Affair Really Mean the Marriage is Over?
• Affairs have devastating effects on marriages. But not all marriages end following the discovery of adultery.
• Whether to stay or go is a very personal choice. There is no “right” answer.
• If both parties are willing to work at it, some experts say that marriages can be stronger following an affair than it was before.
• Some experts also maintain that if parents can move past an affair, the family unit is better off for staying together.
• Whatever the decision, professional help should be sought to help couples through the process. Adultery is too big and complicated to try and deal with alone.
• Dr Gary Neuman has found that the number one reason men cheat is because of an emotional disconnect at home. It’s not about the sex, or that the mistress is younger, or more attractive, it’s about them being dissatisfied with the emotional state of their relationship.
• While Dr Neuman hasn’t done studies on why women cheat, many websites cite the same reasons: Emotional disconnect, feeling unloved, and feeling rejected.
• If both partners are committed to rebuilding and forgiving, then it can work. But it is a huge job to undertake.
• If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, then the first thing to do is vent. Take the time to release all the raw emotions – anger, sadness, frustration… only once you’ve purged those can you make a clear-headed decision.
• You don’t need to decide straightaway. Not today, not tomorrow. Take it one day at a time if you’re not sure.
• If it happens to a friend of yours, be there to support their decision. Chances are, they will be surrounded by a lot of opinions but maybe not much support.
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